Depression and me

Stress warning: This post contains information about self-harming behavior, suicide attempts and depression that may be triggering to some readers. Please note this post is about my experience with mental health disorders and is not intended to diagnose that of others nor suggest actions for dealing with such. What has worked for me has done just that, and I hope that readers experiencing any of the disorders described in this piece will search for what works for them. I firmly believe self-harming is not the answer and that there is always hope.

I watched Super Bowl 50 alone in my bedroom. Wearing nondescript blue clothing, I sipped Pabst Blue Ribbon at a pace that would hopefully not alarm my mom downstairs and ate “party” food she had purchased for me from Walmart.

This was by design.   

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Life in the dirt

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I’ve got the Arkansas River flowing through my veins. My heart beats at around 3,000 cubic feet per second. One rainfall and it’s at risk of being closed down to anything but private use.

I used to fight almost everything about this town. But life happened, and I didn’t seem to have much of a choice. My dream job turned out to be more of a nightmare. My future husband became my ex-boyfriend. My homey apartment was too expensive. My happiness seemed like maybe it was a lie all along.

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